Bound Together Forever

Well... this is no longer a pregnancy blog as I have not been prego for a little over two weeks now! HURRAY!! Or so I thought...

I don't know why I thought things would change once I had this baby, as though I would get some new found sense of freedom. It's actually quite the opposite, while I thought pregnancy had this great hold over my life, it's not the case. Now, I have a baby. So now it's just me and her for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces but the strain on my sanity is getting to be too much to handle. I don't think the best way to begin motherhood is to feel like you're being strangled... yikes.

On another note, pumping is the best. While I do feel like a dairy cow, it was the best relief I could ask for in the first week after delivery. When you're so swollen and aching and you can't sleep... pumping is the answer for sure! I would recommend it to anyone! Even if you don't want to pump after that, it's worth doing in the first week. Plus, you can store up all that milk for a good 3 months and have it on hand for whenever.. if you ever do get to leave the house alone again. *Sigh*

So far, motherhood has held a lot of joy for me but tonight I'm feeling the blues. I guess I just thought somehow this would be different, but I suppose I should be thankful that I have a perfectly healthy baby who does let me sleep from time to time. Count your blessings, for they may be few and far between.

IBS... Irritable Bi*chy Syndrome.

So.. I don't know if it's the fact that I am 6 days overdue, completely exhausted due to the inability to get any sleep, my feet are swollen to double their size OR because I have excruciating pains due to a bladder infection but... ladies and gentlemen.. I have caught it: IBS. Irritiable Bi*chy Sydrome.

Ok, ok. I know that's not what IBS stands for, but I'm throwing it out there! Some common symptoms are:

1) Lack of energy to care to put a smile on your face
2) Loss of hope and plummeting into the despair of never-endingness
3) Cranky, moody and EXTREMELY sensitive.
4) Ready to burst into tears over the slightest reminder as to how long you've had to wait so far.
5) Snapping at everyone around you, even when what they say is absolutely true.

I know I'm not naturally what one might call a "chipper" person at the best of times, but at this point I have lost all energy to care and have an optimistic view. I feel as though I have been prego for years and that the days couldn't go by fast enough. As each day passes, one would think I would get more hopeful.. but instead it's more depressive. If one more person asks me when I'm due, I just might snap.

I did have a lil fun of my own, asking the clerk when SHE was due after she'd asked me... knowing pretty well that she wasn't prego. Maybe that'll teach her to mind her own business. Now, if only I could get everyone in the WORLD to do the same... or to stop staring. I really wish disposable cameras were $1. I'd walk around with a bag full of them and pass them out to onlookers and say the old but still very appealing statement: "Take a picture, it'll last longer". Like really, WHAT are you looking at?!

*Sigh*. It's sad that the light at the end of the tunnel is this possible induction, something I don't even want in the first place! But now that I am almost a week overdue and as uncomfortable as possible in this state, a lengthy induction seems to be the only answer to my prayers. While I know it takes a while, it's hard not to look forward to it; especially considering how long I've been waiting anyway!

You know, the other thing I have been thinking about is this: If at this point she feels the need to take her time coming out, isn't this reflective of the way she'll be forever? Taking her time to do... anything? I would bet my life on it! What is one to do at this point? Do I dare toward the dreaded castor oil, or do I just wait it out? I don't think these stretch marks are getting any smaller and neither is her head!!

I have to quote my favourite show at this point: "I'm just saying, that baby's head isn't getting any smaller. Yoooowzer!!" HAHA. At the end of the day, the cure for MY IBS is Friends. "The One Where Rachel Is Late" is my most favourite episode and it has been since the day I found out I was prego. Even then I knew I would be like Rachel in that episode, I do wish I had a Ross to irritate me even more! "Ross, can I ask you a question? When Carol was pregnant, were you this irritating?"... "I'm not trying to irritate you"... "Oh well then you just must have a natural talent for it!".. Classic!!!

So.. prego ladies.. if you're feeling blue.. find that episode and watch it! Maybe it will lift your spirits! Even though it's fiction, it's still hilarious!! Perhaps we also won't look so bad to our loved ones if they watch it too ;). "We should really ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half pure evil!!" Ohhh.. love it!

Ok, that's all for this one!! Hopefully my next blog will be a rager about the joys of LABOUR... not the herendousness of still being prego!! Keep your fingers crossed!! :P

Almost Time... Perhaps?

Well well well, another rager here!

I have a few concerns with this one, particularily because I'm not in the greatest mood after finding out I could be spending my 23rd birthday being induced... for those of you who may not know exactly what this entails.. just imagine having to go back and forth from the hospital every few hours until something actually comes of it. Not to mention having to perhaps spend the day waiting for them to call you to actually come down. Does this sound like something anyone would want to do on their birthday? The other thing is, and maybe I seem selfish to you but I don't really care... I don't want to share my birthday. I am more than willing to share a lot of things with this baby, hell I've shared a body for the past 10 months nearly, is it too much to ask that I can have a day that's just about ME? *Sigh* perhaps it is.

The other thing that peeves me, is when you go to the doctor and he asks you the same questions... this one is my favourite: Any bleeding? I would sooo like to say "Actually yes, it started 3 days ago but I thought that since I had this appointment coming up I'd just wait to tell you about it". Like really, if I were bleeding I'd have gone to the hospital by now, get real! There are so many things I'd like to say that I refrain from...

For instance, when this man decides to chat me up in the line at 7-11 about my due date and how I'll just love it when she's out and blah blah blah. I don't know how much more unapproachable I can make myself, I had the worst scowl on my face but my belly just outweighs this because people constantly think it's some sort of conversation piece. Like really, just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I give a DAMN about what you have to say. Trust me, being pregnant doesn't make you this sunshiney-hippy of a person who's all about peace and love. Ok, granted maybe it does for some people but not this girl. So if you see the scowl it means, F*** off!! Maybe I should put a sign on my belly that says: "No, I don't care what you are thinking or wanting to comment about the belly this is attached to" or maybe make a shirt. It really is a thought that's crossed my mind more than once today.

The last rant I have is about this. There should be a sign that says "Pregnancy does not equal handicapped". Like, when you walk up to a store clerk and they ask if you need a chair. I think I'm ok, I can get a chair if I need one. I don't know how they think that is flattering, "oh you look helpless, please I'll be nice and act like I care". Give me a break. I'm no less of a self-sufficient person than I was without a huge basketball sticking out of my front, so again the words "F*** off" come to mind. Don't get me wrong, if I've fallen on the floor and am in dire need of a hand, feel free. But don't make random comments like getting me a chair or a water bottle and expect me to be happy about it. I think this is moreso a feminist issue than anything else, I'm a woman and I can do for myself. Thank you.

Ok.. well in a few days when I've calmed down and read this I will realize just how ridiculous it sounds. But for now, that's my rant and I feel it's been a good one!

For all you prego's out there, good luck! I hope you all don't have to spend so much time being pregnant! I enjoyed most of it but now it's time for her to just hit the road, not that I won't be there to snatch her up when she comes out, THAT i'm excited for!!

Being a grown-up...

So recently I realized just what it means to be a "grown-up".. sure I'm in my early 20's and thought of course, I knew everything.. who doesn't?! But it seems to me that I am quite inexperienced as far as "life" goes which scares the heck out of me!

I have never been one to use the internet to buy anything, ever. But now, I realize that maybe I should have! Because now, I have to be a grown-up and do grown-up things... like buying a breast pump for instance. Well, the best way it seems is to go online but I haven't a freaking CLUE what to do, who to trust and that is not good when you're dropping a few hundred dollars on something via the internet. If I have no experience with this, what else is going to fall into my lap that I'll have to deal with? Ahhh I'm such an organizer and preparer.. (I'm not even sure that's a word) that the next part of this pregnancy, the whole not being pregnant and actually caring for the baby part, scares me to death!! I'm anxious but at the same time, with her in there I don't have much responsibility (besides you know, not dying and things like that).

So right now, I'm on the verge of really being an adult and having someone else's life literally in the palm of my hands. They say all this stuff is normal and right now it's hard to imagine feeling absolutely ready and secure. I'm hoping that I'll see her and all that fear will go away haha but I have a sneaking suspicion it may just get worse. So.. for now, I'm the scared prego mama with a baby really "on the way"... and I'll keep you posted as to how that all pans out!

Sleep.... Will It Ever Come Again?

Well well well, I'm now at the point in my pregnancy where sleep just isn't happening!! I am naturally a toss/turner and it seems that it is now impossible to be this way! She has decided on a particular spot and if I turn over, she refuses. This means, instead of "rolling with it" she likes to stay exactly where she is, and squish all my organs if I turn the other way. It's really the best time!! I'm pretty much ready for her to come out, although I think I just might be the 2 weeks overdue because she's clearly stubborn and not wanting to go anywhere!



I can't WAIT to sleep again! If one more person tells me I won't be getting any sleep when she does come out, I BEG to differ! Even if I'm not getting the same amount of hours that I possibly could get now, it'll at least be sleep by myself where I can lay however I wish!!



The wonderful scary stories of labour are beginning to freak me out to no end! I'm glad I didn't go to birthing classes, I'd be scared out of my mind right now if I would have had to watch some sort of video on it. The way I see it is, people have been having babies for years just fine without knowing what they're up against why should I be any different? Doesn't it really defeat the purpose of trying to stay calm if you know what you're REALLY in for?! I think I'll just take my chances and wing it, for the first time in my life... I don't want to be as prepared for this as I can be. Prepared in this case means thinking too much which leads to worrying and ultimately, a nervous breakdown. Although, come to think of it... the stress could possibly force her out. Hmmm. Haha jk. She can stay as long as she likes, well up until the end of September, then she's coming out! I don't want to share a birthday, the line has to be drawn somewhere!



So in short, sleep is not happening and therefore random stupid blogs have come about in its place!

Unwanted Advice. Thanks But No Thanks!

So I'm wondering these days if there is a sign on my forehead that says "I don't have a brain so you should probably just tell me whatever is on your mind because clearly you know what's best for me and my life". Ok.. maybe that sign would be too long, but really. Why do people think that just because I have a belly, it means I have lost all ability to think for myself and make good decisions? While I appreciate the advice I receive from friends, whom I usually seek out and ask, I'm really not at all for people sticking their noses in my business. Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean I care nor that I want to hear it!

Maybe it's my fault for posting things, but it's only because I'm excited or upset about something. It doesn't mean I want everyone and their mother's dog commenting and giving me FYI's. Like really, I can think for myself. I'm the BIGGEST researcher I've ever met and while you may think you know what's best, you don't. Stick your noses elsewhere PLEASE. If I want your advice or your opinion, I'll ask for it.. trust me I'm not shy!

So for all those people that think their opinions matter or feel the need to share any thought they have... think twice. Not everyone is so apt to caring about what you think is best. I am an intelligent person who doesn't make decisions on the fly. Clearly you mustn't know me well if you haven't realized how much of an analyzer and a pro's/con's list maker I am! I'm a LIBRA for crying out loud, weighing things is the SYMBOL of my sign!

Maybe this is harsh but it needed to be said, in case you didn't know my brain functions quite well and I've got this covered!

Been a while...

Well well well, the need to rant has come out in me once again!

First of all, I don't think people quite understand what they make you feel like when they say "you've sure gotten big since the last time I saw you" or "holy your belly is huge". Well THANK YOU.. I hadn't noticed. I just don't understand what people are thinking, do they really think a 5+ lb baby would just fit in a regularly sized stomach or what?? How do you think she grows??! I'd be a lot more worried if I wasn't this size, what could that mean for my baby??! Like really, give it a rest! If I want to know how I look or what the size of my belly is looking like, I'll ask how about. If I don't ask, I don't want you to say one word about it. Don't you think I feel like a big enough whale as it is??! LEAVE IT ALONE!!!

In other news, with only a little over a month to go I must say summer is beginning to get to me... now that we have one of course! I find myself sweating in places I didn't know I could and it seems to take a million years to get cooled down once the wonderous sensations that are hot flashes begin. Let me tell you, I am not looking forward to menopause.. well maybe I am knowing that this won't ever be an issue again.

My last rave of the day will be about pain. I stubbed my toe today, I swear it's broken and I was thinking to myself, I wonder what this pain x 20 million would feel like because THAT's going to be labour. Jeepers Lo, I hope you have a real urgency to get into this world and don't put me through 30 hours of delivery. Although, I do think I would relish in the fact that I could say "Do you know how long I was in labour with you...." for the rest of her life! Luckily, that's one guilt trip my mom has never been able to use on me.. but I think I would enjoy it! Haha.

Ok I think that's it! Time to sleep, or what I call sleep nowadays.. moreso like falling asleep and oh what's that? I have to pee? Ok, get to the bathroom and oh no, that's just Lo playing one of her cruel jokes where she headbutts my bladder periodically making it feel like I can't hold it one more second only to find.. there's nothing to hold! Thanks baby, I really appreciate those special moments with you! And then, get back into bed and find the comfortable spot and then all my limbs go numb soooo I spend 5 minutes trying to turn over! Don't get me wrong, I'll miss her in there but I don't care what you say, sleep is going to be a LOT better once she's out!!!

The end.

The Great Outdoors....

Well well well, another wonderful experience to share! Camping and 32 weeks pregnant... hmm!

I will say this, I am glad I went.. I knew come December, when it's FREEZING out I would regret not making the most of the nice weather while we had it. That being said, there is a lot about camping that is not ideal for that extra 15-20 lbs you're carrying around with you.

1. Sleeping in a tent. Air mattresses may be the greatest thing since sliced bread, normally.. but when you're pregnant they seem to be almost a hindrance. They're so soft that you sink right in, which does nothing at all for your back! Then there's trying to get off of it, that's neither fun to watch nor do! Haha, imagine this: Throwing all of your body weight to one side with all of the effort you can muster so that you don't tip over the opposite way. That's just getting off the mattress, THEN you have to stand up. Thank God for the 10 man tent, or else that wouldn't have even been remotely possible! Then there's finding the zipper of the tent, which of course has to be at the very bottom.. the most convenient place for a prego mama to get at it with all the gloriousness that is the boulder coming out the front of your shirt! Totally attractive!!!!! You'd have to see it to believe it, trust me!

2. The second BEST thing ever is... your bladder problem!! The funny part is, I came home to an e-mail about pregnancy at 32 weeks and the first paragraph is all about how squished your bladder is and how you may need to relieve yourself more often. Ain't that the truth!! Not only is getting out of the tent to actually go to the washroom such a daunting task, the washroom isn't right next door.. and it's an OUTHOUSE!!! Luckily, I have learned that there are times when you just need to plug your nose and hold your breath.. in order to keep your breakfast where it belongs. If not for that, I'm sure I could have lost my lunch on top of everything else!!

So if another prego mama asked for my advice as to whether or not she should go camping at this stage in the game, I would have to say no. The only exception being.. if she had a motor home where the bathroom nor the tent/air mattress fiasco would be an issue! Aside from all of that however, it was nice to get out of the city and be able to look at a roaring fire once again! Next year, Lo will be out in the open where she can fill my life with all new pleasures and hindrances when we're camping!! Can't wait!!! ;)

Pregnant Bellies...Hot or Not?

Ok ok, I don't really think that pregnant bellies could ever be "hot" as in "ooo mama, look at your sexy belly" because, well I think they are really gross. I am meaning moreso like hot, as in are pictures of them popular, and something I should invest in?

I honestly think my belly looks gross, what with the belly ring scar and all the freaking HAIR I've managed to obtain in the past months. I'm wondering if it really was always there and now it just seems magnified now that I can't see my knees over my belly, that's how LARGE it's gotten. Something I could have looked into beforehand, I suppose. Anyway, this is not my point. Pregnant bellies don't really do much for me, but the baby book calls for a picture of Lo and I before she's born. So I'm in a kurfluffle. I don't know how to spell that word, and usually I would put my dictionary.com skills to use, but I frankly don't care.

I think I will have to succumb to the responsiblities of being a prego mama in the 21st Century and get at least a couple done, we'll see if they will be nude or not. No.. not my entire self just the belly. I can say with a 120% vote of confidence that NO ONE wants to see me in the nude, not even I! So don't worry, no one will be flipping through the baby book to find a GRAND surprise!! Haha. Gross.

Now that it's over, I'm not sure this was worth blogging, but perhaps. I have made the decision, and yes.. pregnancy pictures will have to be in order. Hurrah!

The Upside of Anger

So! I did state in the last blog that there have been some great things I've learned in pregnancy as well. I thought I'd better share them to balance out the rager I wrote yesterday! While I don't imagine I'll be longing to keep her in there come September, it's been enjoyable getting to know someone in such a different way for the past 8 months. I feel like I know her personality already, having spent all this time with her. Just by the way that she moves, kicks and even hiccups. She's going to be feisty, which means we have our work cut out as far as naming her is concerned (among other things of course).

Another pretty awesome thing I've learned is how much your body can handle. I'll admit I can pout it out with the best of them, but this pregnancy has really made me step it up and "take it like a man" so to speak. That phrase makes me laugh now, because no man will ever have to go through this and therefore, we can never prove how TERRIBLE they'd be at it! I've just realized that you can push yourself a lot harder than you think and it's funny to see people all around you ALWAYS "sick" and think, really are you kidding me??! I was one of the lucky ones who got to skip morning sickness but an aching body limb is not hard to find. It's just funny because I don't think anyone will really understand being sick until they go through a pregnancy. This most DEFINITELY discludes people with serious disorders and illnesses.. i'm talking the people you always hear are in bed with the flu or have a nasty cold. I understand those are rough, but I can only imagine labour will top them by a million percent! I'll keep you posted and let you know how that works out haha.

Last but certainly not least, they say pregnant women should stay away from stress. Well, I don't know if I just have a knack for doing the opposite of what I'm supposed to but I don't think that working in a busy restaurant qualifies as relaxing, at all. I love my job, don't get me wrong but there is often more stress there than sitting next to your uncle Bob whom hasn't showered in days and is pouring sweat all over the place. Yes, I loved that image too, quite graphic! I think this ties in with what exactly your body can and cannot handle. I know that some women just can't handle any sort of stress in pregnancy and that there are a lot of complications. I suppose I am very lucky to have such an eased one myself, so for that I am eternally grateful!

No morning sickness, on my feet working day to day without too many issues. I'd say that's pretty lucky. Mind you, I won't be curling once I'm 9 months pregnant but that's another story. I guess I should end this with saying that while a lot of things have come to annoy me severely during pregnancy, I have also been able to find out a lot more about myself so I could never really see it as a bad experience. Remind me of these words when I'm a week overdue, late September.. let's see if I have the same sentiment.. haha.

My Pregnancy Thus Far

Well, I realize that I am starting this a BIT late.. as I have less than 9 weeks of pregnancy to go (keeping my fingers crossed that it won't be longer than that). I have learned a lot of things in the past 8 months and I think maybe I should share a few of them. Take this blog with as many grains of salt as you like. I will admit that I'm deeply sarcastic, blunt and well.. dramatic. Exhaustion really doesn't help to lighten the mood at all. Don't get me wrong, I have learned many other good things during this time too but who really wants to read about the wishy washy mushy crap from an emotional prego?? Not I!



So let's get started!!



1. When people tell you that you're glowing, it makes you think that you've got an insurmountable amount of sweat all over you, which really doesn't help to look forward to the next 2 months, especially with one of them being very well known for dry heat. This is Saskatchewan after all, the mild weather has to end sometime.



2. It's not flattering for people to constantly touch your belly, if I don't know you.. don't touch me. It even creeps me out when it's from people I know.. just imagine your co-workers and/or acquaintances coming up to you and rubbing your stomach. Why is that when my belly is huge, people think they need to rub it? I am NOT Buddha, there is no good luck to be had. Yes, there is a baby in there but you're not touching the baby, you're touching ME. That's my stomach and I think I ought to start going up to random people and just rubbing their stomachs to see how they enjoy it!!



3. Sleep is not the same when you're pregnant and it's definitely hard to hold myself back when someone insinuates that you sleep too often or that you really don't need to rest THAT much. Are you KIDDING me? I'd like to see people try and get a good rest when they are, not only, unable to sleep as they normally would (on their stomach as is my case) but also have to switch sides every 20 minutes! Do they not realize how HARD it is to roll over??? Imagine a 15 lb weight on your stomach and moving it from side to side, not at all easy! So not only are you sleeping in an awkward, unfamiliar and uncomfortable position but you also have something inside you that seems to be able to tell your bladder you have to urinate JUST as you're about to fall asleep, once you've fallen asleep OR even wakes you up from a deep dreaming sleep... that's my favourite!



4. Why do people ask how the baby is doing? Do I look like the baby? I really hope they realize that just because it's inside of me, doesn't mean I can read its mind.. maybe she's peeved that I didn't eat early enough or that I rammed my stomach into a table or chair at work, HOW should I know? It's the most awkward question to answer.. I literally respond at least 10 times a day with "I don't know?".



5. Another question I could stand NEVER hearing again is "how are you feeling?" Well.. let me tell you, NO ONE who asks that really cares. It's a way of making conversation and also a temporary lapse in judgement because if I REALLY stopped and told them all the things I'm feeling, they probably wouldn't be asking that very often. I think the rule should be: if you'd heard I was sick or I LOOK sick.. then feel free to ask. If not, leave me alone. If I'm standing in front of you, functioning pretty well.. I'm most likely just fine. Asking me, however, might send me over the edge into the state as to which I want to hurt you :)!



I'll end this with a 6th and final point, my blog is called "Sizzlin KA", because it was the ONLY nickname that I was ever given that I enjoyed even slightly. I do need to say that pregnancy does NOT make you feel attractive, moreso like a beached whale. Pictures right now are not my favourite thing, why do I want to capture and remember the moment where I feel like I could step on sumo wrestler's back and break it? So maybe the whole "Sizzlin" part doesn't refer to me at this time, but hopefully it will in the future.. being called "Fatty" really doesn't make it any better, just to note!